The Birds, The Bees and Agent $trumpet
Kitties, today I want to tell you about the very brave and tragic heroine, Agent $trumpet. As some of you may not know, in my spare time I work uncover for the FBI (Feline Bureau of Intelligence). Agent $trumpet was my contact while I was working on a case involving kickbacks, Animal Control and the head of the local Dog mafia. Last month I was sitting in the window, decoding secret communications and waiting for Agent $trumpet to make contact. (Mommie: actually, she was on her heated blankie, sound asleep)
Suddenly, Agent $trumpet entered our yard. Apparently, she had been on assignment out of town and had not been aware that we have been having an unseasonably warm winter. She just kept saying over and over “I’m Hot, I’m Hot” (Mommie: There was a stray cat in heat outside)
Before I could get her to stop talking about the weather and give me the scoop on our local Doggie Kingpin, another cat entered the yard. I could immediately tell he had evil intentions by the black dense aura surrounding him. (Mommie: A stray male cat with black fur entered the yard)
Now, kitties, this is where the story turns tragic. From my angle at the window I could not see the encounter, but judging from the horrible sounds that followed, I can only guess that Agent $trumpet was tortured before being captured by the enemy. (Mommie: Cat in heat meets intact male – a good time was had by all)
I have only seen Agent $trumpet once since her tragic capture. I think that her captivity has affected her health. She seemed to be really retaining water…. (Mommie: Since she has been fixed, I was really hoping to avoid having to talk to Trouble about the Birds and the Bees, but I can see that this talk is long overdue – excuse us for a few minutes…)
***FIFTEEN MINTUES LATER***
Oh, kitties, you would not believe what my Mommie just told me. She said I could not talk about it because what we were discussing should between kitties and their pawrents only. But let me just say this, you know the Alien movies starring Signourney Weaver? Remember the plot consisted of an alien who runs around, going in places he really should not have, then a while later the female main character has small little aliens popping out of her in odd places….excuse me, I think I am going to go write a thank you letter to the VET who performed my lady gardenectomy.