Almost Wordless Wednesday: Foot Fetish

I like to have a good foot to gnaw on every now and then.

Whatcha Gonna Do About It?

Yeah, I am in your bed...so?

Good Dreams

I am dreaming about...freeze dried noms....Mommie's lap....whapping Sassy...and a few very cute boycats...

Friday Songs With Callie: Amazing Grace

Kitties, after yesterday's adventure, I of course had many, many private requests that I sing my version of Amazing Grace (How Sweet the Meow) today.  You will notice that there is only one verse to this song.  That is because usually by the end of the first verse my audience is so moved - in fact usually weeping - that I never finish the song.  Get your tissues ready!

Amazing Grace, how sweet the Meow,

Sassy wishes she sang like me….

But her voice has no ka-pow,

I sing like I am on Glee.  

Amazing Grace, how sweet the Meow!

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often!

Callie's and Sassy's Shared Adventure

OR

Callie Saves the City of Dallas

Kitties, as you know, one of Sassy and my counselor’s requirements was that I share one of my adventures with Sassy.  So on this adventure old lardbutt, hmm – I mean Sassy came with me. 

Callie’s Version

So there I was, reading the Wall Street Journal, checking on my stock, when suddenly I received an urgent call from the Chief of Police for the City of Dallas.  There was a 5023 (catnapping in progress) and he was desperately needed my assistance.  I grabbed Sassy and jumped into my helicopter.  Of course I was the pilot.  I flew at maximum speed, swooping over and between buildings, arriving in record time.  The Chief of Police immediately rushed over to give me the details. A crazed suicidal dog had catnapped the beautiful Miss Kitty.  He was threatening, if his demands – one large bone, heated doghouse and a willing easy poodle – not met, Miss Kitty was doomed. 

After quickly assessing the situation, I realized I first needed to calm the frenzied mad dog down.  So I grabbed the bullhorn and started singing “Amazing Grace (How Sweet The Meow)”.  By the time I finished, there was not a dry eye in the house.  The crazed dog walked out and stated that he was so moved by my song that he wanted to not only confess to this crime but another he had committed.  Even some of the police officers said that they were going to take early retirement and teach singing to jail inmates.  Miss Kitty came out to thank me personally and said she was going to name her first kitten after me. 

Hopefully, sharing this moving experience with Sassy will bring us closer!

Sassy’s Version

We were sitting around idly licking our fur when we heard about a catnapping over the police scanner.  Now, the police have asked Callie to stay away before, but since this was only a few blocks over, she insisted on walking over to the scene of the crime. 

I am not sure the police even noticed we were there, until Callie opened her mouth and started screeching.  It was horrible!  Grown men started crying.  The catnapping dog immediately rushed out and said that if the police would stop that noise he would not only confess to this crime, but would confess to any other crime the police had open.  Several of the police officers were talking about having to take early retirement due to the trauma.  Miss Kitty came out and told me the pain of that noise was so bad that she may never be able to have kittens.

OMC – I just realized she going to be singing again tomorrow, isn’t she!

Smacky Paw Failure

From Sassy: 
Okay, the Smacky Paw might have seen some action today.  BUT, as the video below shows, ITS NOT MY FAULT.  Trouble started it.

(From the Mommie:  This is my first ever video I have done - please forgive the poor quality, I definitely need to learn more!  I wanted to share this, because if you watch Trouble's face at the beginning, you can just see her thinking...."Should I or Shouldn't I?  Hehehe!")

Ten Questions For Us

Kitties, at the beginning of last week, we were lucky enough to get tagged by the Celestial Kitties.  Because of the whole court ordered counseling sessions, we are just now able to answer.  Thanks Star and Leo – sorry it took us so long to answer

Here are the questions:

#1. Describe yourself in seven words

Callie:  Trouble, ambitious, mischievous, sneaky, creative, playful and curious
Sassy:  bossy, cautious, stubborn, set in my ways

#2. What keeps you up at night?

Callie:  Trying to remember where I put my milk ring

Sassy:  Worrying about what Callie is up to

#3. Who would I like to be?

Callie:  Internet Star!

Sassy:  An only cat

 #4. What am I wearing right now?

Callie:  High fashion calico fur

Sassy:  Beautiful soft brown tabby fur

#5. What scares me?

Callie:  Not being recognized by my public

Sassy:  That Mommie won’t stop at just one sisfur for me

#6. The best and worst of blogging

Both: We agree with what Star and Leo said – the best is meeting new kitties and their hoomans.  The worst is reading a really great post on someone’s blog, but not being able to come up with a good reply!

 #7. The last website I visited

Star and Leo’s blog to get these questions

#8. What one thing would I like to change about myself?

Callie:  Nothing, why would I change perfection?

Sassy:  I would like to be less scared of the vacuum cleaner – that thing is evil

#9. Slankets, yes or no?

Callie:  No, I do not get cold often

Sassy:  Yes – I love being covered up!

#10. Tell us something about the person who tagged you

Callie: I think Leo sounds like a lot of fun, plus lately I have found boy kitties to be very interesting….

Sassy:  Star is also an older sister – she knows my pain. 

From Sassy:

Smacky Paw Update

Day One of the Torture

Its been almost seven hours since I last got in a good smack.  I can feel my paw losing its strength.  I don't like the way Callie is looking at me...but can I do anything about it?  NO. 

Smacky Paw Update

All day today, Sassy has been running up to me, smacking me on the head and then running off while shouting "It's not midnight yet!"

Ouchie!

My poor aching head!

How soon until midnight?

Friday's Song With Callie and Sassy: Friends In Low Places

Kitties, today I am singing a duet with Sassy.  I didn't want to, but the counselor is making me.   I had to look long and hard to find a song that could be sung by a cat with a voice like a frog!  Our song today is "I've Got Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks.

Sassy wears a brown fur suit,

Callie is a calico dilute,

Together we have to sing this song.

Ordered by the Court,

To sing our part,

This is Assignment #2 we are doing here.

‘Cause we got friends in low places,

Where the Catnip Smells,

And the Valerian chases our blues away,

But we’ll be okay,

Now we’re not big on social graces,

There’s kitty litter all over the floor,

Oh we got friends,

In low places.

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often
(unless you are Sassy, in which case -- don't, just don't)

From Sassy:

Smacky Paw Update

Three Days Until The Torture Starts

Okay, so I agreed to No Smacky Paw for 5 days. But I didn't agree to no bunnykicking....or no bitey....or no holding her down until she squeals like a pig...

hehehe.

Can This Relationship Be Saved: The Counselor's Turn

Kitties, lately Sassy and Callie have not been getting along well.  They have been sent to a relationship counselor.  In effort to help all of the brofurs and sisfurs out there get along, their session is being reported here.  Today’s session is the conclusion featuring the counselor’s final thoughts and recommendations. 

Good Day Kitties, I am Sassy’s and Callie’s counselor, Dr. Ivana B. Akiti.  I have met with both Callie and Sassy regarding the difficulties they have been have getting along together.  Let’s discuss Sassy first.

I found Sassy to be very self-contained, reserved cat.  Sassy and her brothers were tragically abandoned by her father ten minutes after conception and her mother at six weeks.  Unfortunately, Sassy’s brothers were bigger than her and behaved very aggressively to her.  These events have resulted in Sassy needing to control her environment and hating any change. 

Callie was a very interesting kitty. Due to the high volume of cats at the shelter, Callie craves attention in order to stand out in the “crowd”.  She has a very developed sense mischief.  She has earned her nickname of Trouble.  And I did notice that she occasionally exaggerates. 

Basically, what we have here are two very different cats.  Callie loves the spotlight while Sassy wants to fly under the radar.  Callie loves to poke fun at Sassy, but Sassy has very tender feelings.  I think the key to this relationship is to find a middle ground for them. 

I have given Callie and Sassy three assignments to complete.  They must complete these assignments or return to counseling. 

Assignment 1:  To encourage them to spent time together, Callie must take Sassy with her on her next adventure.

Assignment 2:  To teach them to work together, Sassy and Callie must sing a duet Friday song.

Assignment 3:  To encourage Sassy to show more tolerance for Callie, starting at midnight on Sunday, Sassy must go 5 days without once using the smacky paw. 

Next week will be a test for these kitties.  Stay tuned for updates. 

Can This Relationship Be Saved: Callie's Side

Kitties, lately Sassy and Callie have not been getting along well.  They have been sent to a relationship counselor.  In effort to help all of the brofurs and sisfurs out there get along, their session is being reported here.  Today’s session is Callie’s side of the story. 

Hello, I am Callie.  I am a beautiful one and half year old dilute calico.  My story starts at the Dallas SPCA, as I really do not remember an earlier time.  Picture it, December 2010.  I was three months old, but still a tiny baby, only two pounds.  There were about a bazillion other kitties at the shelter.  When people would come into the shelter looking for their forever kitten, I was so small; no one ever paid any attention to me.  That is when I realized I would have to make myself stand out.  I started intensive voice training, obtained my doctorate, became a worldwide fashion model and started consulting for the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigations).  It was a very busy week.  My chance to break out of the joint came when my soon-to-be forever Mommie walked in.  I waded my way through the bazillion cats around her and to get her attention, gave her ankle my best karate chop – you know the one that I won the Olympics with.  I also sang a few bars of my newest worldwide hit single.  It worked!  She picked me up and didn’t let go of me until the adoption papers were signed. 

On the way home, Mommie told me all about my new sisfur, Sassy.  I was looking forward to meeting her.  Maybe I would even let her cut a bestselling duet with me.  When I first saw Sassy, I graced her with my sweetest meow.  Imagine my shock when she slapped me across the jaw so hard I saw stars!  I was crushed.  This was the sweet sisfur my Mommie told me about?

Due to my past experience as a hostage negotiator with the police, I knew immediately I had a problem. Sassy would not speak to me except to say that’s my bed, my Mommie, my mousie, yada, yada. I soon realized that to get Sassy to love me, I had to get her attention the way I had gotten Mommie’s attention at the shelter.  I tried singing to her – she said I was making her ears bleed.  I tried showing her some of my gold medal winning karate moves (and yeah, maybe a few of them “accidently” hit her) – she hissed at me.  I tried to give her some of the diet and fur styling tips I learned in Paris when I was modeling – she snarled that she was big boned, not fat and gave me the smacky paw.  Yes, I know that I should have just given up that first week, but to be honest, I soon discovered that annoying Sassy is fun.  A lot of fun! Trying to egg her on just to the point of smacky paw is almost as much of a rush as skydiving.   

Sassy whines to Mommie that I am starting false rumors about her.  That is not true.  Sure, when she was recently dehydrated, I may have told a few hundred cats that she had a drinking problem.  Can I help it if they assumed that meant that she drank TOO much, not enough?  She whines that I am stealing her Mommie’s lap.  You haven’t met my Mommie, but trust me when I say that lap is more than big enough for two cats! 

I want the loving sisfur my Mommie promised me.  One that I can go on adventures with and that will sing along with me.  Sassy is just too serious and responsible.  She keeps pushing me into the laundry room and trying to make me stay there.  That will not do at all.  The laundry does not have any windows.  How will my adoring public stay in touch with me back there? 

Stay tuned tomorrow to hear the counselor's recommendations for this relationship. 

Can This Relationship Be Saved: Sassy's Side

Kitties, lately Sassy and Callie have not been getting along well.  They have been sent to a relationship counselor.  In effort to help all of the brofurs and sisfurs out there get along, their session is being reported here.  Today’s session is Sassy’s side of the story. 

My life started out a little rough.  When I was only six weeks old, I was abandoned by my birthmother and put in a small cage at the shelter with my three brofurs.  They were mean and bad.  They beat me up every day.  When I first saw my Mommie, she walked up to our cage and asked to see me, me – not my mean brofurs.  I loved my Mommie at first sight, but was very scared.  Could I trust her?  Would she abandon me like my birthmother? 

We had a wonderful six years together, then disaster struck!  IT was adopted.  Trouble.  When I first saw the skinny little brat, I couldn’t believe my eyes.  What was this, was I being replaced – abandoned again?  As I looked at her, she let out this high pitched meow.  I reached out with my paw to gently touch her, that make sure this was real, not some nightmare.  Suddenly, my perfect world was altered.  I had a mouthy, constantly singing, little sisfur with a wild out of control imagination.  AND Mommie was yammering on about how I needed to “love” my baby sisfur!

Maybe I could better tolerate this little intruder if she was not always egging me on.  She constantly mentions how I weigh twice what she does.  I am not overweight, I am big boned and fluffy. She gets in MY bed, getting her stinky furs on it.  She starts rumors about me.  Recently, I found out at the VET that I was dehydrated.  Callie ran around telling everyone I had a “drinking” problem! 

Lately, Callie has tried to put the smacky paw on me. I had to put up with my bigger than me brofurs beating me up when I was younger, I will not let this skinny little brat get away that.  I have tried to work this out with Callie.  We live in a 12 room house.  I have told Callie I would let her have one whole room to herself (the laundry room), if she would just stay out of the rest of MY rooms!  I believe that, since I was here first, this is a fair division of property. 

Stay tuned for Callie's side of the story tomorrow. 

Friday Songs With Callie: Brown Cat

Kitties:  Today's song needs a little 'plaining.  Sassy and I have been arguing a lot the last couple of days.  She says its because I'm a little brat, I say its because she is bitterly jealous of my beautiful colored spots, since she is just a plain ole brown cat.  Mommie says she is going to make us go into "relationship" counseling! Today's song, sung to the tune of Elvis Presley's Hound Dog,  is one that I admit I have been taunting Sassy with today.  Maybe this has something to do with Sassy's attitude?  Nah, that couldn't have anything to do with it!

You ain’t nothin’ but a brown cat

Meowin’ all the time

You ain’t nothin’ but a brown cat

Meowin’ all the time

Well, you ain’t never caught a mousie

And you ain’t no friend of mine 

You said I attacked you Sassy

Well, that was just a lie

You said I started it Sassy

Well, that was just a lie.

You ain’t never caught a mousie

And you ain’t no friend of mine.

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often!

From the Mommie:  Trouble wasn't kidding - they have been spitting at each other all day.  Next week, Trouble and

Sassy will be blogging about the results of their counseling

sessions.  It is going to be in a "Can This Marriage Be Saved?"

format.  On Monday, Sassy will tell her story, on Tuesday,

Trouble will talk and on Wednesday, the counselor will

sum everything up.  Stay Tuned!

Trouble's Thursday Tales

OR

Just Strollerin' And Saving The World

Kitties, my adventure today is from last fall.  My Mommie used to take me on stroller rides last year.  She says that the weather conditions are not right to go this year yet.  I say her Lazy Conditions are why we have not gone yet this year.  (Mommie:  Now Trouble, why would you say…oh, yeah – actually she kind of got that one right)

Mommie used to try to take me out at different times of the day.  She had to do that because when word got out that I was strollerin’, the drivers would stop their cars to watch me, crowds would line the sidewalks, all screaming at me to please just give them one of my sweet meows.  (Mommie:  We went for walks at different times because of my work schedule in reality)

Once while out strollerin’, a big black limo pulled up next to us.  Now at first, remembering my undercover work against the Dog Mafia I had done for the FBI (Feline Bureau of Investigation) I was worried.  But it turned out to just be Jerry Jones wanting to know if he could rename the Dallas Cowboys to the Dallas Calicos in my honor.  (Mommie:  Well, considering the season they had last year, this might not have been a bad idea)

Perhaps the most exciting thing we had happen while out strollerin’ was the day we were surrounded by a wild pack of vicious attack dogs.  Their leader was a huge, wild eyed Rottweiler.  He was wearing a spike collar and a leather coat. The name on his collar was “Pain”.  Knowing that these  ferocious, brutal bullies could hurt my Mommie, I immediately sprang into action.  I gave one of my patented “Pay Attention” hisses.  All of the dogs immediately yelped, tucked in their tails and ran off.  I especially scared their leader, Pain.  He actually went home, saw the error of his ways, moved to Tibet and joined a monastery.  I still hear from him occasionally.  His name is now Serenity and you know for a dog with a really deep bark, he is actually pretty good at chanting.  (Mommie:  Trouble, a dog that chants?  No, just no.)

Wordless Wednesday: Me and My Mousie

Fur Plugs For Cats?

Oh, Noes!! Mommie took a very unflattering picture of me.   Does this picture make me look like I need fur plugs?  Does anyone have the number for the Fur Club For Cats?

Nope - I Don't Know Nothing About It

What's that?  You want to know how did those crumbs get on the floor?  There's a cracker missing from your plate?  Excuse me, I think I need to speaker to my lawyer now. 

Friday's Song With Callie - Foxy Kitty

As all of you kitties know, Valentine Day is coming up.  I have the perfect song for Spitty, Brian, Eric, Flynn, Rumbles, Teddy, Kozmo and all of you handsome mancats to memorize and woo your ladycats with on the big day.  This song was originally sung by Jimi Hendrix (who apparently really liked catnip himself), called Foxy Lady.  By changing only a few words, I have created a song that will leave the ladycats swooning.

Foxy, Foxy

You know you’re a cute little heartbreaker

You know you’re a sweet little biscuitmaker

Foxy, Foxy

I wanna take you home

I won’t do you no harm, no

You’ve got to be all mine, all mine

Ooh, foxy kitty

Foxy, Foxy kitty

You look so good

You make me feel like

Feel like sayin’ foxy

Foxy kitty

Foxy kitty

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often!

Trouble's Thursday Tall Tale's

OR

My Whirlwind European Tour

Kitties, I am sorry that I am a little late posting this.  I just returned from a quick tour of Europe and was completely jet lagged last night.  (Mommie:  Trouble is an indoor cat, she has never left the city of Dallas). 

My first stop in Europe was the beautiful Lake Como in Italy.  I had to go there to talk to George Clooney.   He has been calling me non-stop about a new movie – “Ocean Fourteen and A Cat” that he is desperate to do with me.  I have told and told George that my schedule is just to full right now to shoot a movie.   Lake Como was gorgeous as ever, but I must say, between George’s crying and begging,  it just wasn’t as relaxing as I hoped.  (Mommie:  George Clooney has never called Trouble.)

Next I flew my private jet over to Germany to visit with Heidi Klum.  We became good friends when we were filming “Project Runway” together and she is going through a really tough divorce right now.  We did a 2 day pub crawl through Munich and about a squillion “Seal Who?” beer shots.  (Mommie:   Trouble, the closest you have come to meeting Heidi is sitting on my lap while I watched Project Runway re-runs.)

After my Germany visit, I needed to rest up a little, so I decided to take a few days off in Wales.  All of the local hotels were full, so I was invited to stay in a lovely old farmhouse with a local newly married couple.  They invited me to call them Willie and Catie.  (Mommie:  Trouble, I am pretty sure that anyone with a title of Prince, does not go by the name “Willie”.)

My last stop was in Paris.  Several big name designers are preparing for their Spring shows, and of course I was asked by a consortium of them to come over and consult.  I will give all of my friends in the blogging world a fashion heads up.  Of course, calico prints are again hot, hot, hot this year.  And Sassy, you will be happy to know that stripes are making a small comeback.  (Mommie:  Your calico prints prediction wouldn’t have anything to do with you being a Calico cat would it?)