Sassy's and Nellie's Hollywood Adventure: Part 2

Nellie said we had to start out the day with lunch at the Polo Club.  I was a little embarrassed to have to admit to Nellie that I did not have enough green papers to eat there.  Nellie just laughed and told me to watch and learn.  She went and sat in front of the restaurant and let out a trilling meow.  The next thing I know, we are having lunch with two very nice older gentlemen kitties.  Nellie whispered to me that I should order the most expensive item on the menu.

Next Nellie said we should go pick up Sparkle, who lives nearby in a Castle and go to Grauman’s Chinese Theater.  Nellie wanted to pick out a good spot for her pawprints.  Right as we were crossing the street in front of Sparkle’s Castle, we were stopped by a police officer.  He told us we could not cross the street in the middle as that was jaywalking.  As he was speaking, Nellie all of sudden said, “No one tells the Queen were to walk!”  What happened next was all a blur, but at the end there was a crying, hysterical policeman, a whirling cat Ninja and Nellie, sitting by idling picking pieces of a police uniform from her claws.  Suddenly 10 policemen in full riot gear arrived, one escorted me to the police car and the other nine, after a hard fought battle, escorted Nellie to the car.  We were booked into the local jail. 

I was in a total panic, we were under arrest!  The Spotted Airhair, otherwise known as Callie, was too busy making goo-goo eyes at Kozmo to answer her phone.  The poodle in the next cage told me if I didn’t stop meowing, he was going to sic his homey dogs on me.  I was terrified – what were we going to do?   Nellie yawned and told me to stop getting my furs in a knot, she knew cats in high places. 

Kitties, go to Spitty's blog tomorrow for the exciting conclusion of Nellie’s and Sassy’s adventure where these questions will be answered: 

Does Sassy have to join a dog gang to avoid getting poodle trimmed?

Will the policemen who arrested us get hazardous pay?

Can handsome King Spitty save the girls?

Sassy and Nellie's Hollywood Adventure: Part I

Kitties, Sassy here.  I am so excited,  I am writing this from the Beverly Hills Hotel!  Callie and I are here in Hollywood to attend the Real Housecats 2 premiere.  We came early so that Callie and Kozmo could spend some time together.  We are getting to spend several days in Hollywood, attend a premiere and all she can talk about is “Kozmo is going to look so handsome on the red carpet, Kozmo is so….blah, blah, blah”.  I am excited because Kozmo is bringing Nellie with him.  I so admire Nellie – she really knows how to keep Kozmo in line.  I hope she can teach me how to train the  Spotted Airhair (otherwise known as Callie) . 

We had only been here a few hours when there was a knock on the door.  It was Nellie with Kozmo, who was carrying all of the luggage.  Nellie immediately told Kozmo to go put the luggage up.  When Kozmo complained and said he wanted to see Callie, Nellie let out a weak meow and staggered over to the couch.  She said she would do it, but she was still feeling weak from her near death illness earlier last week.  Callie decided to go with Kozmo to put the luggage up.  As soon as they left, Nellie immediately jumped up and asked if I was ready to see how Hollywood was HER town.  When I asked if she wasn’t sure she should lay down to rest, she laughed and said she felt fine, she just wanted to get Kozmo to handle the luggage!

Stay tuned tomorrow to get these and other burning questions answered:

*  Can Hollywood survive a visit from Queen Penelope?
*  Can Nellie teach Sassy how to properly flirt?
*  What happens when Nellie loses her temper?

Go to Kozmo's blog to follow Callie's and his adventure in Hollywood and prepare for the upcoming exciting premiere of Real Housecats 2! 

Friday Songs With Sassy, Not Callie: Enter The Sassycat

Kitties,  last week the fabulous Sparkle requested a Friday song by Metallica.  Now normally Friday's song is sung by Callie, but for this song I just had to step in and take over.  Metallica is a heavy rock metal band whose lyrics tend to be deep and dark.  With Callie being all goo-goo-gaga over Kozmo lately, I shudder to think what she could do to a perfectly good dark metal song.  I can just hear it now:  Enter the Kozmo....And don't forget to kiss his nose... <gasp, shudder> Here is my version of "Enter The Sandman", now called - "Enter The SassCat". 

Say you prayers little cat

Don’t forget my brat
To include your mousie
I’ll swat you around
Make no sound
Gonna get that clown
When the Sasscat she comes

Sleep with one eye open

Gripping your hammick tight

Exit light

Enter night
Take my paw
While I smack, smack your jaw

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often!!

Hollywood Here I Come!!

Kitties, I am sorry, but there is no adventure today.  I just heard a rumor that the premiere of Real Housecats 2 is going to be sometime next week - so I am going to Hollywood!  And, and - I get to spend time with Kozmo!  Nellie and Sassy are going to be there also. 

I have so much to do before next week!  I have to get my furs conditioned, my nails trimmed, buy some new bling-bling and go on a crash diet.  And I may look into some botox.  I know that I am only 1 1/2 years old, but Hollywood is such a youth oriented town!

Be sure to follow Kozmo's and Callie's adventures on Kozmo's Blog next week.  Sassy's and Nellie's adventures will appear here starting Monday. 

Wordless Wednesday: No Starch, Heavy Fluffying Please

(Please Note:  No Kitties were harmed in making this picture.  Callie has loved jumping in the dryer when I am unloading it since she was a kitten.  As such, the dryer is never started without first doing a "Where is Callie" visual check!)

Tabby Tuesday With Sassy: I Am Such A Giving Cat

See how nice I am - I am almost letting her stinky furs touch mine!

Monday Musings With Sassy: The Special Letters C-A-T

Kitties, for today’s musings, I have been thinking about how special the letters C-A-T are.  That naturally got me to thinking about all of the words that start with C-A-T and their meanings. 

Catacomb – the instrument of torture humans use on us just cause we may shed a *little*.

Catatonic – what we all need after the human starts in on the kissy face routine.

Cat-o’-nine-tails – a very unfortunate looking cat

Catalogue – a really lazy cat

Cataract – what we all have to occasionally do to convince the humans we are starving

Catalina – what a cat does when looking down from the dresser

Catalyst – a summary of our demands that should be given to our humans

Catchers  - a female cat

Caterpiller – what you call a human who is stupid enough to try to give us pills (other than the unmentionable four letter names)

Catering – a piece of jewelry for a cat 

See how special the letters C-A-T are?

Friday Songs With Callie: Niptiniville

Kitties, my Mommie has always been a fan of Jimmy Buffet, so I wanted to do his iconic song "Margaritaville".  But I am cat, who cares about margaritas?  So of course, I had to put my own spin on it.  Is everyone ready to sing along?

Nibblin’ on fish treats

Cleanin’ my feets
All of those couch arms shredded and ripped
Wearin’ my collar bling
All set to start singing
I have my niptinis all ready to sip

Wastin’ away again in Sunny Niptiniville

Searching for my lost ‘nip naner
Some people claim that a Sassy’s to blame
I know she hid my ‘nip naner!

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often!

Trouble's Tall Tales: Trouble Goes Shopping For A Mattress

Kitties, yesterday while I was watching TV and idly cleaning my furs, I saw a commercial advertising mattresses.  Well, I know as a cat, quality of sleep is very important, plus since I am now a STAR, I need my beauty sleep.  I decided Mommie needed a new mattress.  So, off I went shopping. 

At the first store I stopped at, the salesperson asked me “whats your sleep number?” I didn’t particularly think that was any of his business, but I told him that on a good day, I sleep number was about 18 hours.  He said that, no I didn’t understand, if I got on the display bed, HE would tell me my number.  WELL!  He obviously has not heard that I already have a boy cat friend!  I quickly left. 

Next I went to a store that featured “pillow top” mattresses.  I did not stay there long.  This concept did not make sense to me at all.  If I want a nice squishy top on my mattress, I just have to jump on the bed and get on Mommie’s stomach – it is very squishy!

After those two failed stores, I decided what I really need to do is talk Mommie into getting a water bed.  I mean think about it – if you wake up in the middle of the night thirsty, all you have to do is extend a claw and presto! – instant water fountain!

Almost Wordless Wednesday: Just For Kozmo

Dear Sweet Ba-Boo - this is just for you! 
 I call this my boudoir pose. 

(p.s. don't tell Mommie I posted this - she wouldn't approve)

p.p.s - please go to http://catphotoclub.blogspot.com and vote for best Cat position - my picture is one of the options!!!!

Monday Musings With Sassy: Loews

Kitties, while a certain airhead Calico was off riding trains, I was doing some serious thinking.  The subject for this Monday’s Musings is:  Loew’s Hotels. 

I am sure everyone here has heard about how this supposedly “pet friendly” hotel is cruelly and inhumanely trapping their TNR colony and sending them off to a kill shelter, in spite of repeated offers of help from various agencies.  The reasons they have given for doing this horrible thing have been weak and unconvincing. 

All of this has gotten me to thinking – if this is the logic they use for the cats – would they use the same logic for guests?

Here are some examples:

1.      Loews claim that they must remove the TNR colony because they may cause the spread of disease, even though the cats have all received their rabies shots.  So…using this logic, if a guest was to sneeze in the lobby while checking in, would Loews immediately stuff the guest into an undersized cage and sit them out in the sun with food or water – because you know, by sneezing, the guest could spread a cold to other guests. 

2.      Loews says that they must remove the colony because the presence of these cats might encourage other cats onto the property – even though all cats in the colony have been fixed.  So….using this logic, if a guest, while staying at the hotel, was to ask a friend to meet them at the hotel, would Loews, upon seeing this, immediately cage the guest and send them to a kill shelter, because you know, the hotel does not like guests to have anyone over. 

3.      When Loews started this colony, they made a commitment to the cats.  But now that they have decided that commitment is inconvenient, they have no problem in not honoring it.  So…using that logic, if a guest stayed at this hotel, but at the end of their stay the guest decided that it was inconvenient to pay the bill, can the guest just not pay? 

Unfortunately, several of the cats have been captured and it seems that nothing is going to dissuade Loews from this horrible decision.  It would appear that they have won.  But here is the thing – by choosing to fight this battle, the executives at Loews who made this horrible thing happen have guaranteed that they will soon have themselves a personal one-on-one meeting with KARMA.  And you know that is one nasty b*tch.  She does not fight fair.  I'll try not to enjoy the show TOO much!

Friday Songs With Callie: Superstar

Kitties, today's song is about how I have been feeling this week!  It is "Superstar" orginally by Lupe Fiasco, but you know I customized it to fit me.  Now, all of my co-stars sing along with me: 

Oh, Yeah 
A fresh cool young Kitty
Starring in Season 2 of Real Housecats
There is Twix, Hakeem, Zee, Zoey and Katie
And of course handsome Clooney and Spitty
We’re going show the innernets where its at

Oh, I am one lucky kitty

A superstar
I have no fear
The camera's here
and the microphones and its ready set go
Oh oh oh oh

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often!

Trouble's Tall Tales - Shopping!

Trouble Goes Shopping At The Dallas Galleria

Kitties, as you know, I was recently honored to become a Season 2 Real Housecats cast member.  I decided to do what most of our local celebrities around here do – go shopping at the Galleria!  So I go get Mommie’s credit card (you would think that she would have found a new hiding place by now wouldn’t you?) and call for a limo. 

As I walk in, the first store I see is called Pink.  Now, kitties, I will be the first to admit that pink does not always go great with my autumn coloring, but I decided to look around.   Turns out that Pink is mainly a men’s shirt store!  Imagine that, a store called Pink that sells shirts to men!  Since My Sweet Ba-Boo, Kozmo already has his own tuxedo, I left. 

The next store I trotted up to was Abercrombie & Fitch, but I really couldn’t tell what they sold other than possibly posters of men hugging each other?? – so I didn’t stay there long either.  By this time I was a little hungry, so I stopped at a pretzel stand.  But, kitties, do know that they had only mustard or cheese to dip the pretzel in?  No fancy feast, no ground shrimpies – nothing. 

I decided to wrap up my shopping trip with a few laps around the ice rink.  But I was disappointed to find out that the rink was crowded for me to practice my triple axel jumps. I think I will go back to shopping online!

Almost Wordless Wednesday: The Work of a Great Writer is Never Done

I'll finish this post in just a few ....zzzzzzzzz

Tabby Tuesday With Sassy: Preempted!

Well, Kitties, today was supposed to my first Tabby Tuesday, but Callie is having a fit over the announcement of the Season 2: The Real Housecats of the Blogosphere announcement.  Click here to view the announcement. 

She is in the cast....and life as I currently know it may never be the same!

Callie has already has me helping her practice for the premiere. 

.....................should she walk down the red carpet with her tail fully raised or modestly lowered?

.....................should she wear her signature green bling-bling collar or let Harry Winston provide diamonds for her?

.....................should she ask Kozmo to attend with her or would that be too forward?

Well, the list could go on and on, but I have to go now.  Callie is begging me to help her practice getting out of the limo.

Monday Musings With Sassy

Kitties,  this blog has been taken over.  I have been silent for too long!  Trouble WILL share this blog.  From now on, I am taking over Mondays and Tuesdays.  For today's Musings, I will be sharing my responses to an event taking place over at the Tabby Cat Club.  They are having a "What Would Your Cat Do" event.  I have listed my answers for the three situations below.  Feel free to copy and post your responses on your blog, just please link back to Tabby Cat Club.  Have fun!!

(and Callie, for the last time, stop whining, your "fans" will not forget about you!)

What Would Your Cat Do?

Situation #1   Your human accidently leaves your treats out on the kitchen cabinet before leaving for work.  You are not allowed on the cabinets, but you really, really want some treats.  What would you do? 

Sucker! She left them out, I am so getting on the cabinets and eating treats until I barf.  The details:  Mommie is turning 50 this week and I fully intend to take advantage of her old age forgetfulness!

Situation #2    Your human comes home from work depressed.  She starts telling you all about her bad day.  What would you do:

              Paste a concerned look on my face and pretend to care while thinking how 
                glad I am to not have to work.  The details:  Mommie keeps talking about    
                someone called “the Boss”.  Here’s what I want to know – how does he wear shoes on his
                cloven feet?  And where does he hide his horns during the day? 

Situation #3   Your human is having guests stay at the house for a week.  What would you do?

        They smell funny, plus they are sleeping in MY playroom, I'm going to leave them a “present” in their open suitcase.   The details:  Mommie didn’t even ask my permission before inviting those creatures over!  I need my playroom!

Friday Songs With Callie: What A Wonderful World

Kitties, given what happened this week with the tornadoes, and the blessing of no damage to our home, I wanted to sing a happy, upbeat song today.  I choose Louis Armstrong's "What A Wonderful World", with just a few changes!  Everyone sing along now:

I see ‘nip of green, fresh grass too

I see them grow, for me and you

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world

I see treats of tuna and bowls of crunchies

Our house is unharmed, we are blessed

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world

Remember to Sing Loud, Sing Long and Sing Often!

Trouble's Tall Tales: Tornado!

How I Saved The City Of Garland

Kitties, we had a stressful day yesterday.  We live in the City of Garland, which is a suburb of Dallas, Texas.  Yesterday, the Dallas area was hit by what experts believe to be 18 tornados.  Lucky, Mommie had me there to save the day. 

The day started out normal.  Mommie was staring vacantly into space and Sassy was stuffing her face.  I, however, was busy monitoring the weather on my laptop. I was in constant contact with the National Weather Service, acting as a local weather expert.  My whiskers were tingling, something was up.  Suddenly, my super keen senses detected a funnel cloud over Forney, Texas.  Now, Mommie doesn’t believe I knew about this since Forney is about 20 miles from Garland, about as I said, I have super keen senses! 

I immediately tried to get Garland to sound the weather warning siren, but our phone was out!  So I ran back inside the house, tracked down Sassy, who was hiding under the bed, and bit down on her tail as hard as I could.  I am pretty sure people living in other counties heard that screech.  The people of Garland had been warned and were safe.  The mayor is planning on making a speech and giving me the key to the city next week.  I wonder if the key will open the door to our local seafood restaurant?

Note from the Mommie:  Although it is easy to laugh about it now, it was pretty scary yesterday.  We did have 18 tornados touch down around us, but luckily none in the city of Garland, just in cities all around us. The airport and local schools were on lockdown.  The kitties and I spent a lot of quality time in the hallway!   And here is the amazing and by the Grace of God fact:  we had over 650 homes in the Dallas area damaged, but not one serious injury has been reported! 

Wordless Wednesday: Just Chillin' And Relaxin'

I Need Some Advice, Please

Kitties, I have been very concerned lately about something.  As most of you know, recently I was lucky enough to become the girlcat friend of the handsome and brave Kozmo.  Don’t you think that Kozmo is such a hottie?  I see other girlcats flirting with him on his blog all the time!  This has me worried.  How do I compete with all of these beautiful girlcats?  I am not even sure how to romance a boycat. 

I decided to get expert help on this.  I turned to the King of Romance for advice – Spitty.  As everyone knows, all the ladycats love Spitty.  He is the foremost expert on how to attract the opposite sex.  Spitty was kind enough to give me some pointers on how to romance my Sweet Ba-Boo, Kozmo. 

This is Spitty’s advice to me: 

Thanks, Callie! Well, I could go on all night about the best way to attract a fine & manly ManCat, but since Spitty doesn't want to share all his secrets, here are five surefire tips to attract--and even more importantly, keep--the ManCat of your dreams. In other words: YOU can be a ManCat Magnet!

1.  Never play hard to get. While this may occasionally work with the Humans, there's not a ManCat alive who wants to have to exert himself chasing down a LadyCat--even a furry charming one. Shamelessly show him you're interested from the very start--purrs and trills and even the occasional hiss can work wonders!  (From Callie to Kozmo:  purr, trill, hiss, purr, trill, hiss)

2. Learn to make a mean Niptini and hone your skill with the sushi knife. Yes, I know the second part is kind of a stretch without thumbs, but finely prepared tuna tartare is guaranteed to keep your ManCat coming back to YOUR Cat Door.  (From Callie to Kozmo:  I just ordered a set of Ginsu knives to practice my tartare skills)

3. Work the eye contact, Girlfriend.  Batting your lashes is all well and good, but never underestimate the power of a good pair of lasers (set on Stun, of course!) Cultivating a sultry come-hither look is worth the hours of practice you'll put in.  (From Callie to Kozmo:  I have been practicing this one in front of the mirror!)

4. Don't be afraid to cuddle on the first date!  Yes, I **am** saying there's no harm at all in inviting your ManCat UTB with you on the first date! In fact, a real ManCat will expect it!  (From Callie to Kozmo:  Umm, actually Mommie says I am too young to go UTB with a boy cat and then she gave me some boring lecture about boycats not buying the cow when the milk is free…I have no idea what cows have to do with being under the bed….)

5. Understand the True Nature of the Inner Tom in All ManCats (yes, even those who have been deprived of their naughty bits)  This is the most important tip of all. We ManCats are by nature polyamorous. We really can't help it. But not to worry!! We have plenty of love in our hearts for ALL the LadyCats. You can't ever "lose" your ManCat if you remember this: Even if he visits many LadyCats, he will always have that special place in his heart that is Just For You! Monogamy? Pffft.  Let that stoopy Humans keep *that* invention!  (From Callie to Kozmo:  I think this is a very important point also.  Kozmo, remember how I am a Cat From Hell - In Training?  Well, I do not agree with this *polyamorous* stuff!  If you decide to be *polyamorous*, I will hunt down your naughty bits, have them sewn back on, then practice my new Ginsu knife skills on them…..just sayin’…..)

Do any other of the wise kitties of the blogosphere have any advice for me on how to woo My Sweet Ba-Boo?