Sunday, April 1, 2012

I Need Some Advice, Please

Kitties, I have been very concerned lately about something.  As most of you know, recently I was lucky enough to become the girlcat friend of the handsome and brave Kozmo.  Don’t you think that Kozmo is such a hottie?  I see other girlcats flirting with him on his blog all the time!  This has me worried.  How do I compete with all of these beautiful girlcats?  I am not even sure how to romance a boycat. 

I decided to get expert help on this.  I turned to the King of Romance for advice – Spitty.  As everyone knows, all the ladycats love Spitty.  He is the foremost expert on how to attract the opposite sex.  Spitty was kind enough to give me some pointers on how to romance my Sweet Ba-Boo, Kozmo. 
This is Spitty’s advice to me: 
Thanks, Callie! Well, I could go on all night about the best way to attract a fine & manly ManCat, but since Spitty doesn't want to share all his secrets, here are five surefire tips to attract--and even more importantly, keep--the ManCat of your dreams. In other words: YOU can be a ManCat Magnet!
1.  Never play hard to get. While this may occasionally work with the Humans, there's not a ManCat alive who wants to have to exert himself chasing down a LadyCat--even a furry charming one. Shamelessly show him you're interested from the very start--purrs and trills and even the occasional hiss can work wonders!  (From Callie to Kozmo:  purr, trill, hiss, purr, trill, hiss)
2. Learn to make a mean Niptini and hone your skill with the sushi knife. Yes, I know the second part is kind of a stretch without thumbs, but finely prepared tuna tartare is guaranteed to keep your ManCat coming back to YOUR Cat Door.  (From Callie to Kozmo:  I just ordered a set of Ginsu knives to practice my tartare skills)
3. Work the eye contact, Girlfriend.  Batting your lashes is all well and good, but never underestimate the power of a good pair of lasers (set on Stun, of course!) Cultivating a sultry come-hither look is worth the hours of practice you'll put in.  (From Callie to Kozmo:  I have been practicing this one in front of the mirror!)
4. Don't be afraid to cuddle on the first date!  Yes, I **am** saying there's no harm at all in inviting your ManCat UTB with you on the first date! In fact, a real ManCat will expect it!  (From Callie to Kozmo:  Umm, actually Mommie says I am too young to go UTB with a boy cat and then she gave me some boring lecture about boycats not buying the cow when the milk is free…I have no idea what cows have to do with being under the bed….)
5. Understand the True Nature of the Inner Tom in All ManCats (yes, even those who have been deprived of their naughty bits)  This is the most important tip of all. We ManCats are by nature polyamorous. We really can't help it. But not to worry!! We have plenty of love in our hearts for ALL the LadyCats. You can't ever "lose" your ManCat if you remember this: Even if he visits many LadyCats, he will always have that special place in his heart that is Just For You! Monogamy? Pffft.  Let that stoopy Humans keep *that* invention!  (From Callie to Kozmo:  I think this is a very important point also.  Kozmo, remember how I am a Cat From Hell - In Training?  Well, I do not agree with this *polyamorous* stuff!  If you decide to be *polyamorous*, I will hunt down your naughty bits, have them sewn back on, then practice my new Ginsu knife skills on them…..just sayin’…..)
Do any other of the wise kitties of the blogosphere have any advice for me on how to woo My Sweet Ba-Boo?


Random Felines said...

Ivy here: I don't have one of those mancat friends, but I am not sure that Spitty is all that and a bag of fish sticks. I say play hard to get and sharpen the knives if Kozmo gets ideas about other girlcats.

Brian said...

Yep, just be you and everything else will follow!!!

The Island Cats said...

Oh Callie...that Spitty is such a player! Our advice to you?? Don't listen to Spitty's advice!! ;)

Katnip Lounge said...

Well, I must say Kosmo did get a bit fainty looking at my belleh one time, but I suspect he was merely looking at the menu, so to speak! My advice is to act sultry and mysterious...and even if you don't have a sordid past, invent one. The sordider the better!
xx Salem

Gigi said...

Hmmm. Well, Callie, I guess a GirlCat has to have her standards.

But what's ur Mom talkin' about with this whole cow thing? Do you think she's had a little too much Nip?

Oh, and Island Cats? Yeah, Spitty heard that, you know.

Cat and DOG Chat With Caren said...

I think my friend Spitty covered it perfectly!!

There is nothing that I could add that would top his advice!

Best of luck!


Rumpydog said...

Oh Dog! Just don't go breakin' Kozmo's heart. He's a Mancat on a mission to help save the world.

Unknown said...

Ginsu Knives on my naughty bits! Callie! That is scary! I was going to ask if I could come and visit....

Clooney said...

I thinks you had your "Sweet Ba-Boo" at Ginsu knives...

Memories of Eric and Flynn said...

Ouch!!! Your reply to #5 brought tears to our eyes!

Hannah and Lucy said...

What a great answer to No. 5 Callie - don't let these man cats get too sure of themselves.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

Unknown said...

Dearest Cassie


Gigi said...

Whoa--that Kiss thing is SCARY. Romantic, but scary, MOL!

Andrea and the Celestial Kitties said...

MOL! Oh my gosh I am seriously laughing out loud (just ask my formerly sleeping husband..) at hunting down his naughty bits, sewing them back on and practicing with the ginsu knives!! MOL!!! that's one heck of a threat!!